Haha... God came in at a most unlikely time today. I was talking to a friend of mine, and at the same time hating myself for being so stupid as to ask an unbeliever for advise and at the same time mak a fool of myself. The conversation itself wasn't very productive... it just emphasized the fact that I can not depend on humans for the answers and solutions to the problem... and then after we ended the conversation, God just came in, like that, without any hint. There was just this sudden feeling that everything's alright, like I've just been freed from some oppression. I'm thinking that it might be someone who prayed about me on prompting at this very hour, but whatever it is, I feel better now. Thanks God... when everyone fails me, you're the only one who comes in, even when I've hardened my heart and built walls around myself, and this is one of the things that makes me eternally greatful I'm serving such a great and loving God.

I know that I haven't been behaving like I'm a lover of Christ nowadays, and I really apologise to anyone whom I've hurt, offended, made fun of or otherwise lashed out at, because I've been under a great deal of pressure and ridiculous situations that just swings back and forth over and over again and I did feel really overwhelmed... like i told my friend, this week saw me doing something for the first time, and that is sitting down, thinking about everything all over again and staring into empty space for quite some time because of the panic.

I know that the Incident still has not yet been resolved, and that I'm responsible for most of it. It's way out of my control too, but instead of just going ahead and trying everything there is to try, I'm just going to rely on God to give me to cue to do something now. And I'm going to try very hard to rely on God too.

Earlier in the day I just said no to a temptation. It came in the form of a really interesting book, actually a movie tie-in to this show called The Piano Teacher. Books that detail wicked parents and alternative outlets for energy has always interested me a great deal, but from the time I looked at the book in the shelf I knew that I shouldn't touch it, and I'm glad that I held out. I looked it up on the net after I got home, and after discovering that it was filled with unholy content and thereby willing myself to turn away from the temptation to read it, I feel now that God is pleased with me, and that is probably why He chose to come now even when I haven't been seeking him as much as I should.

I know that I'd fail if I promised that I'd do my devotions everyday with all my heart because I'm still distracted and burdened by a lot of things, but I know that too inside of me I want nothing more than to feel God near, feeling that I need no one else other than God, because He's my protector and my comforter, and the reason I go on living. He is the hope that never fails... and I'm so glad and happy and joyful that we have a God like that. I don't know if anyone reads this blog at all... I'm going to say now that this blog is as truer reflection of who I am than all my other ones, because it is here that I'm the most accountable to God for what I say, and I only speak the truth here. Anyway, if anyone's reading it, do message me or something yar? I need to know too that this is a good way of spreading the word of God. I feel like I really want to write a lot more but I'll save it for another..who knows what other trials may come later that I can take in good stride?

Again, I apologise to the people I've crossed and been rude to and yelled at... I feel bad now for thinking hateful and terrible thoughts and nww I want nothing more than to do the right things if it would bring God closer to me.